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LAYER'D



I love this picture; it’s such a chaotic scene.


I’m sure we’ve all heard the quote “clean space = clean mind”. I used to believe that until I accepted the fact that I live in my head. I’m a neat freak; I’ll clean up anywhere at any time. My family thinks I have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), but I self-diagnosed myself with OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder), (click here to see the difference).


I think I’m like this because I live in my head (surprise). No matter how much I clean my home, office, or car, I still feel like there’s some extra cleaning needing to be done. As of late, I’ve discovered that extra cleaning is the mess that lives in my head. If overthinking was a sport, I’d be the #1 athlete, no doubt. Why am I like this? As much as I’d like to place blame on someone for this (hi mom & dad, lol), I’d much rather psychoanalyze myself and work towards maintaining mental wellness. I mean, at some point in my life I have to take accountability for my actions and behaviors, right? Right. Right?


I loved learning about defense mechanisms when I was studying for my clinical social work exam. Before learning about defense mechanisms, I really thought I was doing well at this adulting thing and managing my feelings and emotions. But I wasn’t. I realized I wasn’t taking time to understand why I felt the feelings and emotions I felt, and why I was behaving in the way I was. So, I began practicing patience. Patience with understanding myself, and patience with understanding others. (update: it's hard).


When I saw these different types of beautiful clouds clumped together in their section of the sky, I was reminded of how my mind is filled with different thoughts, feelings, emotions, dreams, doubts, and influences. I realized it was time to clean up the mess in my head. I need clarity so I can properly flourish in the way I was meant to flourish.


I think self-healing begins when we decide to address our childhood trauma that turned us into hurting adults. We’re all big kids walking around with a hurt little kid still inside of us. Nurtured by Nature Photography is my way of healing the hurt little girl inside of me. I’m only 18 days in with these posts and I’ve cried more than I did when I was writing the book. I’m really taking my own advice and applying it to my life. I’m enjoying this ongoing process of healing, unlearning, and relearning; it’s my cathartic release. However, because I live in my head so much, I often feel like I'm not making any progress at all.


Every day is new opportunity to work on myself. Now, if only I can decide where to start….

Life Lesson:

· Self-healing begins with unpacking and acknowledging our many, many layers of our trauma.


How I Apply it to My Life:

· Before I react to something out of emotion, I TRY take time to process my feelings to see where the strong emotional reaction could be coming from.


Song:

· January 28th – J. Cole


SLIDESHOW: Layers. Clarity. Calmness.


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