Confidence: a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.
As I’ve explained on this blog a few times, I reallllly wanted to live with one or both my parents as a child. When I was a little girl, mom told me she originally planned to raise me as a single parent in the Military. The reason she didn’t is because my grandparents asked to raise me. In retrospect, I’m glad I was raised in a stable environment and a small city. But as a child, I wanted to be with my mom because she traveled often but more importantly, she made me feel confident in myself. Mom told me I can do anything I set my mind to. When I was a little girl, mom told me as long as I made a plan and stuck with it, she would support however she could. Mom’s words ALWAYS matches her actions.
In Kindergarten or 1st grade, I told mom I wanted to be an astronaut. I received a telescope that Christmas. But that dream ended after I watched the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster in 2003.
When I was a teenager, I told mom I wanted to be a photographer. She bought me a camera and a 4x6 photo printer.
I don’t know if I ever told mom I wanted to be a singer, but I remember she bought me a karaoke machine when I was in elementary school. When I was in middle school, she bought me The Emancipation of MiMi for my CD player; I fell in love with Mariah Carey’s voice. I used to sing to mom over the phone when she’d call me. She told me I sang well, but I thought she was just saying that because that’s what parents are supposed to say. Lol. In college I realized mom really does like my singing. I was spending a weekend with her and one night, she asked me to sing Stay with Me by Sam Smith. I was like “um, why?”. She said, “because I know you can sing and I like that song”. I sang it for her, and she liked it. She still doesn’t know how much that made my heart smile. It made me feel seen. I thought to myself “wow, mom really believes in me”.
In the blog post ISOLATE, I talked about how I turned into a recluse in 2013. I was going through a difficult time in my life and I didn’t have any motivation to keep going. Mom might’ve given me a week to be depressed before she told me I needed to focus on my future. She told me bad times are gonna happen, but I have to persevere anyway. That honestly aggravated me. Like dang mom, can I just be sad, depressed, and in my feelings for a few weeks? She was like nahhhhhh, you got business to handle. There goes that “logic over emotion” mess again. Okay girl, I guess you’re right. But she was right; I did have business to handle.
I used to wonder, why is my mom so strong? Why is she so “let’s solve this situation and get back to business” minded? I figured the Military made her that way; but I was wrong. Mom told me about her upbringing. Mom told me about the limited job opportunities in Hyde County and how she spent some time in New York before deciding the Military seemed to be the best way for her to be financially stable. I wondered how difficult of a decision that was for her to make. That was a huge sacrifice. I discussed in the blog post NETHERLANDS how I feel like mom stayed in Military once I was born so she could provide me with everything I needed growing up. I can’t even imagine the things she experienced during her time in the Military. I love, honor, and respect her so much for sooooo many reasons, but mostly for the sacrifices she made to secure her future and my future.
Mom is doing better discussing her emotions now, but I know there’s still a lot of things she doesn’t discuss, or at least she doesn’t discuss them with me. I’m grateful to be blessed with a mother who is so supportive of me and my goals. If nobody else has my back, I know she does. And even if I fail, she’ll still have my back and help me get back to business. One of the songs mom & I listened to when I was younger (and now if it comes on the radio) is Beautiful by Vivian Green. A lyric in that song that reminds me of my mom is “Put her high on a pedestal, and tell her when she looks beautiful”.
So, when I saw this rose sitting so confidently in my parents’ yard, I thought of my mom. This beautiful rose was my simple reminder to love on my mom and remind her how beautiful she is and how much i admire her every chance I get; she deserves it.
Thank you, mom, for always believing in me and giving me the confidence to do anything I set my mind to.
Nobody tells you how to survive as a black woman
So let me learn you a lesson
Black women, you are a threat on every point of the map You are love, in its purest form, all unapologetic, all unconditional Always too compassionate, sometimes too forgiving But, never too afraid to show up Black women, you are everything they knew you wouldn't be You are gorgeous, even through the suffering You needn't forget why You hold the world together Thank you for your mercy You are the strongest form of human Black women
– Reyna Biddy
Life Lesson:
· Confidence is bold, beautiful, and stands out. Be confident.
How I Apply it to My Life:
· When I make a plan, I follow through with it. If I get side-tracked, I assess the situation and figure out how to get back to business because I’m confident I have what it takes to accomplish anything I set my mind to.
Song:
· Rapsody – Reyna’s Interlude (Ft. Reyna Biddy)
Rapsody’s album, Eve, is phenomenally beautiful. Plus, she’s from the 252 like me so she’s dope by default.
SLIDESHOW: My Beautiful Mother.